::'enthusiasm'ku hancur::

end of posting exam is just around the corner. OSCE. ask me how's my preparation going and you'll regret that you ever asked that question. maybe a question that i would like to hear now is " are you free on friday night after the exam? let's have a popcorn session! on me :) "

my posting in seberang jaya did not go well. it was, at least for the last semester. with enthusiastic tutors and helpful patients that rarely rejected us, i counted that as a bountiful bless. but, we were totally screwed this week because we had no surgical bedside teachings from monday to wednesday.

on monday, we were supposed to have a teaching with mr purple-headed and without any concrete reason or notification, he did not show up in the ward. our call diverted into his voicemail (i always love this idea when i want a bug-free life) and the nurses were clueless where exactly he is at that very moment. maaflah mr N, nampaknya jururawat itu terlalu sibuk untuk kisah akan hal kamu. senang cakap, kamu tidak di sayangi.

another story for mr I who refused to teach us because 'we showed no interest during his teaching' as he claimed. contradict as it might sound to us, who wake up long before dawn, driving all the way crossing the penang bridge, be in the ward by 8 am, clerking patients etc etc for the sake of knowledge. and on that very fine morning, he was simply blurted out that statement just because we left the ward for another teaching.

we were in dilemma upon leaving mr I. telan mati mak, luah mati bapak. di sini menanti, yang di sana menunggu. leaving him was not a good decision. but letting go another teaching while the tutor was waiting was also not a wise one. therefore, we were doing something that we thought is the best for that moment. i believe that we tried our best to ask mr I to have a teaching with us but to no avail.

nampaknya, orang berumur lingkungan umur 45 tahun bila merajuk, sangat susah untuk di pujuk. aku percaya gula-gula kapas pun tidak mampu meredakan amarahnya.

for this, i blamed my beloved college for a mixed up schedule.

we left nothing, but a bad impression.

yang tidak interested to mr I,

jamieY

::up, up UP!::

Go, go, go,

It's time to make a move and we both know,

It's time to step it up a notch,

I'm ready to lose touch,

Baby boy,

Go, go, go.

This is the crossing at the main intersection,

Up is where we go from here,

Finest selection,

This could take us anywhere,

I don't want protection,

Life is better of the line, ine, ine...

I'm ready for the lift up,

Keep steady beat,

'Cus I'm ready for the big jump,

Keep up with me,

If you lose me then you know, you're just a bit too slow,

I only go up, up.

I'm ready to be in control and the ground isn't good enough for me,

I know where to find what I want and I'm gonna keep on,

Keep on, up, up

No turns now,

We're going straight,

You better hold on tight,

'Cus if you fall you're on your own,

'Cus I'm gonna go on,

No, no, no turns now.

This is the final call for all destinations,

This is were you're in or out,

No hesitation, this is not the time for doubts,

Make your decision,

Are you on or off the line, ine, ine... ?

I'm ready for the lift up, keep steady beat,

'Cus I'm ready for the big jump, keep up with me,

If you lose me then you know, you're just a bit too slow,

I only go up, up.

I'm ready to be in control and the ground isn't good enough for me,

I know where to find what I want and I'm gonna keep on,

Keep on, up, up

This is the crossing at the main intersection,

Up is where we go from here,

Finest selection,

This could take us anywhere,

I don't want protection,

Life is better of the line, I, I...

(Ooh)

I'm ready for the lift up, keep steady beat,

'Cus I'm ready for the big jump, keep up with me,

If you lose me then you know, you're just a bit too slow,

I only go up, up.

I'm ready to be in control and the ground isn't good enough for me,

I know where to find what I want and I'm gonna keep on,

Keep on, up, up

::beautifully ugly::

ugly confession. ugly truth. ugly disappointment.

but, it's a beautiful blessing from allah.

i need a retail therapy. extravaganza one!

::favourite quotes::

him: abdominal pain that is relieved by farting....

tutor: in medical term, we use flatus.

lecturer: we are takking about penis now, you wanna join?

student: *slam the door and walk away*

either you are dumb, or the writer is dumb!

student: mak cik berak ada keluar hingus tak?

patient: *blur*

student: pak cik pernah ada TB?

patient: ada kat rumah..besar 29 inci

me: why u like to bully me?

her: because you are fat!

girl 1: kacak eh kuning ya

girl 2: ya la tek...kuning santan

girl 1: santan warna kuning?

girl 2: dush2

her: masalah anal-anal (sambil membaca iklan di tepi jalan raya)

us: *blur*

her: o masalah anai-anai. "I" macam "L"

us: ROTFL

::terima kasih::

terima kasih taiping,

terima kasih hari ini,

terima kasih kawan-kawan,

terima kasih.

::GLP::

satu tengah hari yang damai, tingkat satu acc building, berdirinya tiga orang pelajar perubatan mengelilingi seorang doktor yang sedia dikagumi.

Dr Y: what is GLP?

Me: Glucagon-like peptide.

Dr Y: and how does it work?

Me: it's a gut hormone. and it mimics insulin.

Dr Y: so you think it mimics insulin?

Me: tersipu-sipu. (rasa mahu terjun dari tingkat 7 sebab baru sahaja sebut it's glucagon-like peptide. duh! of course the action is reversal of insulin)

amaran keras: dilarang meniru kebodohan ini.sekian terima kasih.

::superiority complex::

Dear Ms S,

I hope this letter found you in pink of health (because, if not, maybe one of us has voodoo-ed you). i am writing you this letter to represent my whole group members to express our dissatisfaction over what you did to us this morning.

we woke up very early this morning, praying to God to bless our journey to school and we walked with eagerness at its peak, to ward A3 in hope that we would learn something from your department today. we were very happy to find that your MO's were doing a ward round and we walked towards them. we stand there, quietly, not to interrupt anything that was going on. but you know how "happy" we were when she jeling us and said this : i don't like this medical students. bla bla. to add salt to the wound, she spoke to her colleagues in Chinese language. but from the way she looked at us, i know she was bitch-mouthing us.

how hurt that could be? it was like our hearts being slashed hundred times. i would understand if she was having PMS or emotional instability. but is it our fault to be present in the ward? is it our fault not to be informed which doctor is taking us for that day? is that our fault no one told us what case should be clerked that day? is is our fault we are still students and still crawling in acquiring knowledge? is it our fault that **C sent us to your ward? is it our fault you are unhappy with us because you are unwilling to teach but were forced to?

we were still holding on, hoping that she would realize that she was a student too before, so she will treat us fairly. but she did not. she continued to ignore us. we were treated like a piece of shit. i am sorry, but that was what i exactly felt on that very moment.

then, you came in. our hope to be treated like a human being faded away when the first sentence that blurted out from your mouth was: how come there are so many medical students here? go to A3. don't disturb us!

OMG! that was like the sky was falling unto us. we are sorry that we are not as the same race as you that you would treat us nicely. yeah, as what you did to the attachment students. i am sorry that **C did not pay you enough money so that you would share your precious knowledge willingly. i am sorry that we were disturbing you because that was our responsibility to attend the ward round every morning.

for the ignorance, heartless attitude you showed us, we thank you. may God bestowed His bless over you and all of us. i know you are one of the best, and maybe, we did not meet your standard. but, we will never be without your guidance.

yours sincerely,

(medical student)

::because i love him::

aku berniat untuk post entri tentang "life is full of drama" beberapa hari lepas. draft sudah aku siapkan. namun, aku tidak rasa entri itu cukup menarik, melainkan hanyalah monolog dalaman aku yang dikupas dalam bentuk e-diari. sudah menjadi trend, blog adalah diari peribadi yang merakamkan rasa tidak puas hati ataupun kesal etc etc. ranting mat saleh bilang.

tapi, kejadian hari ini aku rasa memiliki hak mutlak untuk aku rakamkan di sini. mungkin bisa menjadi teladan kepada semua. mungkin juga menjadi hiburan kepada mereka yang suka berceritera? mungkin. terlalu banyak kemungkinan yang pangkal kepastiannya masih samar-samar.

seperti kesamaran cinta pasangan yang aku temui pada 31 Julai lepas di wad 15. pagi itu kami berbual rancak dengan pasangan ini, mengorek sejarah perubatan si suami yang menghidapi Tuberculosis dan HIV. Tengah hari itu, sedang aku dan kawan-kawan melepaskan lelah di bench di luar wad, si isteri menegur kami.

"oh how nice. young doctors, wearing scarves and always smile" dia memuji kami.tersipu-sipu kami mengalahkan kerang busuk mendengar pujian sebegitu rupa.

"is that for your husband?" aku bertanya, tatkala melihatkan dua kuntum bunga yang baru di petik dari taman hospital. di petik secara haram barangkali.

"ya" dia menjawab ringkas.

"auw how sweet..." aku yang memang cepat tersentuh dengan lil things ni tersenyum lebar.

"because i love him" maka 'auw sweet' itu bertambah panjanglah intonasinya dan harakatnya.

tiba-tiba si isteri mundur setapak, dan menekup mulutnya. air mata mula berlinang. kami yang sibuk berbual hal remeh-temeh secara serentak terdiam. kaku. jarang sekali kami kami melihat pesakit mengalami emotional breakdown di depan mata. lagi pula, breaking bad news akan di ajar tahun hadapan, jadi kami tidak dapat recall kata-kata keramat pada saat genting seperti ini.

"he's going to die!" dia meluahkan apa yang terbuku di hatinya. air mata masih bergenang.

aku bingkas bangun dan cuba untuk menawarkan perkhidmatan kaunseling secara percuma. dia berlari meninggalkan kami.aku rasa rejected.rasa yang amat.

aku duduk semula. kami masih kaku. kemudian kami sambung berbual. masih lagi hal remeh temeh.

*********************************************************************

dan hari ini, 4 Ogos, si isteri datang lagi ke hospital. kali ini dia menyerang seorang House Officer (HO) dan memaksa beliau untuk mendengar keluhannya. keadaan di belakang tirai hingar-bingar. seperti orang bergaduh lagaknya. mendengarkan suara tangisan dan jeritan, kami yang berada di belakang tirai menjadi kurang senang. perasaan ingin tahu melonjak-lonjak. pesakit yang berada di sebelahku, juga hilang rasa takutnya untuk menjalani procedure yang akan aku cuba jaya sebentar lagi. lalu, pesakit itu berbisik kepadaku dengan perlahan

"dia (si isteri) tu pondan" aku tergelak besar mendengarkan jenaka pak cik itu. kerana sudah terlalu lama di hospital, pak cik ini sudah sebati dengan gosip liar yang berlaku di kalangan pesakit-pesakit dan ahli keluarga mereka nampaknya. tapi, dalam diam aku terpaksa bersetuju dengan kata-kata pak cik itu. si isteri memang kelihatan seperti pondan.

tidak lama kemudian, HO itu mendapatkan kami kerana dengan pengawasannya sahaja, aku boleh teruskan procedure itu. HO itu turut berkongsi gosip dengan kami.

"the wife killed the husband. they fled off yesterday and the husband suddenly die. she is a murderer"

serentak itu, kami terdiam. masing-masing berwajahkan tanda tanya. tentang pembunuhan itu. tentang kebolehan setiap individu di wad ini bergosip. tentang nasib malang pak cik itu. kasihan.

lewat petang itu juga, aku mendapat input lagi bahawa si isteri bukanlah isteri kepada si suami yang di bunuh. kes menjadi semakin kompleks bukan? siapa dia, masih menjadi tanda tanya. namun, walaupun dia bukanlah isteri sah kepada si arwah suami, namun dia pernah membuatkan aku tertipu tentang betapa dalamnya dia mencintai suaminya. tentang betapa sweetnya dia. ah naive sungguh aku kerana percaya. percaya kepada orang psycho. selepas ini, aku berjanji tidak akan memuji orang yang memetik bunga secara haram di hospital lagi. sumpah!

::Peminat Besar Hantu::

ya ya i am a big fan of Ghost, aired every Sunday on Tv8, 10pm. i just finished watching the last episode and i fell in love with all the songs. so i compiled everything here :)

Since the first episode, the twists here and there never failed me to ask for more. the songs, the story line (maybe some of them resembled Saw which the screening is banned in Malaysia) but, that not the only aspects that i looked for in this drama. being untypical Malay drama itself, i shall give two thumbs up for the cast of this drama. entertaining!

all videos are taken from here

::fantastic four?::

one week in fourth year, with all the demanding schedules, convinced me that i could go crazy in another 2 years time. this is just the beginning, and more is awaiting ahead. oh, im so optimistic :D

i am officially a fourth year student now. time flies very quickly. the night where my dear friends sent me to the airport to say goodbye before i flew to dublin, is like just happened last night. no, i am bluffing. with all the ups and downs of life in this four years time, i believe everyone around me is more matured now. i bet. a better person, a better person with values. i hope.

because i am so berbulu with someone who said A, instead, is doing B, without an apology or reasonable explanation. we are human beings, and we need to communicate to understand and to be understood. that's why we have neurons in our brain :)

sounded pissed off heh?

me,

jamieY