::hepi bdaY guYs!::

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR BELOVED FRIENDS

hasil kerja tgn2 kami :)

semoga panjang umur kepada miss wada, mr rosnal, mr shml and mr azmi

may allah's bless stays with us always :)

may the bond between us grows stronger! and thank you for those who came...

::semat!::

cool huh?

::iSLam eXpo::

check this out! it's kewl~

::heY mr engineer! im a Dr2b and i am single lol::

an assistant engineer wrote this comment to me:

"boleh jg klu ada jamilah.

mau tambah 1 lg koleksi doc dlm kluarga. kakaka.

lagipun match tu klu dr dgn eng. aku rasa la. haha.

ba bgs la tu. aku lg suka org lain dr coach tu

ko nda study ka ni jamilah.. atau bgn pagi check komen? hehe"

so what do i want to highlight is an engineer shud find a Dr as a partner! LOL

i read an article sometime last year with the title of "why an engineer will make a good bf?"

the article (not really an article i guess) evaluated few aspects the way that an engineer thinks and the benefits of being a girlfriend to an engineer. and today, again, another opinion on that matter haha

would it be an engineer, a doctor, a farmer, a minister, a millionaire, it doesn't really matter. how deep he loves u does matter!~

but if there is any single, available, and most importantly, eligible engineer out there, maybe we can have a drink sometym? hahaha

in-lov-wif-her-notes,

jamieY

::kecewa~::

berkali2 aku d kecewakan oleh exam, namun kekecewaan ini yg plg jelas.bukan aku seorang saja yg merungut bila saja semua kertas jawapan selesai d kutip. rata2 pelajar dr segenap ceruk negara, hitam atau putih, tinggi atau rendah, perang atau blonde, mberi komen yg sama

"it was dem hard!"

"the question was sOo bla2..."

as for me, nothing much i can say. im not well prepared for this paper. so i have to pay the price for it! 

frustrated...

hopeless...

but i am not a complete loser today. i rushed back home after the paper and turn my baby apple on...

checking my inbox. an emel from ebay is opened.

"you have been outbid. don't let it go away. bid now."

haha i am addicted to ebay (click here for ur very own session of on9 shopping) since last month. and for this month only, i have made 4 transactions. 2 items waiting to be paid. 3 active acutions!

this are the items that i won today. see...im not a complete loser! haha

pierre cardin gent's classic wristwatch :)

this is for dad!i won this without even need to bid 4 it hehe

and another one!

ladie's pierre cardin wristwatch :)

this is for mom. i bid tau mom?sggp ni hehe

so i called home after i won the auctions and guess what what my mom said?

daughter: maa, suda kakak kasi beli jam. jam bapak sekali...

mother: eee mama allergic pki jam ni. nnt kluar kembang keringat. gatal2

daughter: haha nda pa maa...klu nda suka, aku boleh ambek! suka ni jam :p

mother: hahaha

daughter: alaa gatal2 klu jam tiruan kali maa 

mother: jam apa kunun yg d beli tu?

daughter: jam tiruan la hahaha

there are few things that that i found work best to reduce my stress:

1. menyanyi skuat hati di bilik smpi jiran ketuk pintu dan tny "what's wrong with u?i need to study and u made disturbing noise". how to handle this?

"o im perfectly fine.tq 4 ur concern :p" this gonna send her away lol

2. kemas bilik! wpon suda d kemas 3 kali sehari semenjak musim peperiksaan ini. kasi hambur smua balik dan kemas. really a good therapy!

3. ice cream never fails to cheer me up. and this is my fav! yummy~

4. speak and laugh out loud while talking to my mom n sibs! 

5. sleep~

im goin to sleep now. hopefully, when i woke up, all the bad feelings have gone to some other place hehe.

nite :p

::caryohexin::

i woke up at 9 am today. yeah i am a lazy bum. i slept at 3+ am last nite. thanx to BED!

i had my shower, and put a nice dress on. without wasting time, went straight to my desk and here we go, last minute prep. memorizing and cramming relevant facts into my cortex! o my baby cortex, plz dun get stuck later ok? i promise i wont torture u for the next 3 months :p...we gonna jalan2 n i'll u free from those hazardous medic terms and tons of information

another 4 hours to go. and i was still reading the the notes words by words.

arghh nda buleh masuk suda!!! 

so i stopped and i went to the kitchen. my second fav spot in this hse haha. i heated the leftovers and makan2. tandoori butter chicken and north indian curry with chutney! ok expect me to gain another 3 kg before i get home next year ok? the food was so ummpphh. my fav is that butter chicken. im gonna marry an indian la so i can eat that chicken everyday :)

after mkn2, the restlessness stroke me again. i was so nervous so i decided to call home. bro picked the phone up and i requested to speak wif maa. and from the end of the line, i can hear her full of love voice.

"sht jgk?" she asked.

"ok maa. mau exam suda ni. lagi sejam. maa, doa byk2 ya? solat hajat. takut ni.." i complained to her

"yakin boleh...buat mcm biasa.ok tu.." she assured me

"nda ready btul bha kali ni. doa ya  maa?" 

"sentiasa..."jawabnya 

i know where can i turn to when i feel blue. when i feel i need to talk. thanx mom.

"and maa, mintak ampun klu ada apa2 ya... takut ilang berkat" 

"ya jgn rsu...bgs2 ya?"

"ok maa.tq. mana bapak?"

the i talked to dad. after asking for bless and forgiveness, i ended the call.

and back to study mode (-.-)"

12.55 pm..we left home. sarah, alisa, jiah and me. everyone was so worried and nervous. i can see that from their faces. and in everyone's hand there were notes to be read on while walking. see how nerdy we r? :p

1.30 sharp, MCQ questions of BED. 20 questions to be answered in 30 mins. i sucked it up! well, klu nda tembak, not jamiey la...few questions were "tembak"ed by me haha

then the short notes papers were distributed. i paid a glance to the papers on the floor while waiting the MCQ sheet to b collected. what?? 5 booklets? hellow? do u expect us to answer in 5 booklets? and the MCQ had 10 options. this was my first time of having A till J options to be chosen from. gilak...5 options are enuf to make me confused and they gave me 10? no wonder i was double confused (@.@)

and what's wif the 5 booklets?jensen yg bijak super tu pun blom tentu dpt hbskan all 5 booklets in 90 mins lol

after MCQ answer sheet was collected, i grabbed the booklets form the floor.

i smiled to myself when the booklets were actually empty.they were the answer sheets provided. so psycho la! y rcsi has to do this? it kinda wasting papers because, averagely we only used 3 sheets for each question and the rest of the blank paper of the booklet? where wud they go? no wonder mara has to pay extremely expensive fees to sponsor a student in rcsi because the examination cost itself is dem high 

RCSI sgt kaya!!! :p

kolej ku yg kaya raya~ 

ok get back to the exam. 5 short notes questions altogether.

1st question: smile

2nd question: smile again

3rd question: another smile

4th question: more n more smile

5 question: lol

all the questions were so like i-dunno-wut-d-prof-expects-me-to-put-on-d-answer-sheet!

haih mengapa perlu ada xm bila diriku bisa saja bahagia tanpanya? lol

i attempted the questions.  one by one. got stucked so long in the fourth question. the person in charge smiled to look at my puzzled facial expression. i was thinking really hard. the stress was in the air!

tumor markers for like 8 types of tumor. ok to be honest, i din read this. so what im goin to put ya? hurm...let's make it so i dun look so es-2-pid-o

so i put all the tumor markers that i can recalled from what have been tod in the tutorial. CD40, DC45. i even invented a new tumor marker: caryohexin which is totally doesnt exist!how did it come to my mind out of nowhere was so mysterious :p...ini la hidayah namanya lol.i can guarantee that ms mary leader wil lol when she got to read my answer haha

i finished the paper 15 mins earlier. not because the questions were ez pz but i din even know what else to put on the answer sheet haha. 

then, we passed the answer sheets one by one.babai BED! hope we dun need to meet again. u know, i wud rather be wif another module next sem. we are over and that's it. in case we need to be together again, hope we'll have more tym for me to explore every inch of u! haih~

::meMorY gambar candiD::

asyik aku ketip kuku tiba2 emel alert mnarik perhatian ku serta merta...

new friendster msg from khai_rulez

ni mst msg fwd lagi...tapi tgn ku tnp arahan dr cortex lincah saja mnari2 pada papan kekunci appleku sambil mnaip www.friendster.com..aku klik new msg and here it goes:

Re:jamiey!!!

gu luck exam mu ya!!!
ko ingat jak aku...klu kau blur...
dulu tym spm pun ko duduk selang c josie jak kan..tengok d ireland sdh kau!!!!!

hahaha aku tersenyum sendiri. rasa rendu pada shbtku sorg ini tiba2 mnebal tanpa d pinta...

masih aku tringat saat pertama aku mngenali dirinya. kelas delima. 2002. aku baru saja mendaftar d tingkatan 4 mrsm kota kinabalu. sebagai perempuan melayu terakhir yg tercampak d sekolah perempuan, aku punya nilai malu yg tggi. mujur saja aku cepat sebati dgn rakan perempuan yg duduk di sebelah. nurul shaida sidup namanya. yule yg lebih sinonim dgnnya berkawan rapat dgn khai and feyt and josie...

  >>> josie yg makin cun!>>>yuley syg~

beberapa hari kmudian baru la tiba ke pengetahuan ku bahawa khai,joc dan feyt adalah teman sedaerah...budak tawau! so kami berkenal2 kenalan dan persahabatan pun berputik~

kami malah mncipta bahasa sdr untuk berbual sesama kami. dgn hrpn tiada sesiapa yg mmahami apa yg kami perbualkan...kami d gelar geng meja belakang :). ada saja topik yg ingin d bualkan. topik yg ingin di umpat hahaha. sehingga hunter yg budak ranau ini mjinak2kan diri untuk mmahami bahasa rahsia kami

pelbagai kenangan kami lalui bersama.kami bermain tenis bsama. bmain kejar2 bsama. kami mnegumpat bersama. kami belajar bersama. duduk d dlm kls yg sama. mdengar syarahan cikgu yg sayup2 masuk ke telinga dek kemengantukan yg teramat.

aku masih ingt lg bagaimana aku konfrontasi n perang dingin dgn makhluk bnama khai ini. tika itu, hari tbuka aspura dan aspuri. aku, chong and hana suda menghias bilik sampai haram terjumpa satu habuk pun. entah mengapa ( mgkin jugak cuai) dan aku mmg tidak pernah terbayang benda tu akan berlaku so aku dgn selamba menyusun album kesayanganku yg menyimpan seribu satu kenangan manis di celah2 susunan buku di atas locker.

dan hari tbuka aspura aspuri berjalan dgn lancar wpon timbul desas desus ttg bberapa insiden mmalukan selepas itu :p

>>>azhar aka feyt 

keesokan harinya, azhar menghampiriku yg tekun menelaah semasa prep lalu bertanya:

"jamiey, rambut ko lurus bha kan?"

sorry guys, my hair now is something like this!!!>>> LOL

"what??!! mana da...mana lg ko tau ni??" [ duh!~ kantoi la jamiey hahaha]

dia mhulur skeping gambar ke hadapan mataku. aku cukup kenal gmbr itu. gambar candid ketika aku sdg membontot untuk mnangkap anak ikan dlm kejernihan sungai d clairemont waterfall. masa tu aku berada d tingkatan 3 dan kami rakan sekelas (all gurls) berpicinic d sana. tanpa ku sedari, yene dgn selambanya mengambl gmbr dgn aksi seksi itu hahaha.mamarazi u yen! see what the boys did to this pix?? haih..u shud have taken sexier pix la khai! :p

tkejut badak aku bila ku tatap gmbr tu. 

"mana ko dpt ni??"tanyaku. geram.

"bukan aku ya..khai yg amek dr ats lockermu" dia menjawab sambil cuba menutup kesalahan yg telah d lakukan.

aku menyinga. dem i was so garang back then. 

gmbr itu pulak mnjadi bhn ketwa boys lain. haih mengapalah engkau sgt bijak wahai khairul hamzah? 

 si JAHAT!!! pencopet gmbr!hahaha

"sama sepa lagi kamu kasi tunjuk ni gambar?" aku dgn nada geram bertanya.mahu saja aku telan hidup2 manusia d hadapanku ini. 

"nda ramai...amhal, jimmy..er "

 >>> amhal, terlibat dlm kes ini jugak scara tidak lgsg huhu

"hoi gila ka? punya malu!" aku menyinga lagi.yule n josie yg duduk d meja sebelah cuba mnenangkan aku.

seminggu jugak aku x berkomunikasi dgn dia. aku sedaya upaya mngelak dr bertembung dgn dia...dgn feyt2 skali aku heret dlm kemarahan itu. ha padan muka! lain kali jgn ambil hak org! lebih2 lagi yg mlibatkan maruah...it's my dignity u know?

bila terserempak dgn amhal dan jimmy pon, aku mnunduk... malu~ 

tapi kemarahan tu pudar saja bila mereka mula meminta maaf. maka berdamailah kami geng tawau...dgn syarat, plz dun ever do it again!!!

di kala2 bjauhan begini la aku mula mrindui saat2 seperti itu. dan siapa sangka, out of nowhere, dia boleh hantar msg seperti itu lol

ya khai aku d ireland suda! kdg2 aku lupa hakikat itu...kdg2 aku rasa aku mensia2kan peluang untuk mgunakan masa yg ada untuk mnuntut sebanyak ilmu yg mungkin. memenuhkan ilmu d dada...

and for those yg tlibat secara langsung ataupun tidak dalam drama kehidupan d atas, i thank you! at least i have something to laugh at today! 

kepada semua yg di sakiti hatinya, maaf di pinta~ sungguh amarah yg membuak2 pada ketika itu telah mnewaskan kewarasan fikiran yg sejemput cuma...

cheers for our fship that will never fade :)

::It's Here!::

19 may 2008: biology, epidemiology of disease
21 may 2008: cardiorespiratory
26 may 2008: GI/ hepatology
28 may 2008: TOSCE

masa kcederaaan! get set...GO!!!

::cegu, selamat hari gUru!::

i texted few teachers of mine today to wish them happy teacher's day. it was good that some of them still remember me. well, i was a very low profile student back then and remembering me meaning u have a very good long term memory :p

i was smiling to myself reading the replies. o teachers, im wondering how are u right now...and what is it feels like being in ur classroom again. i bet the atmosphere would be totally different from what we had in our time...

one of the teachers that i got replies from was my counsellor back to primary school. he was my mentor in the program " anak angkat" that was held in my school back to 1998. that was the time that i sat for my UPSR~

the texts read like this:

"thank you very much.hampir setahun cikgu x dgr berita. hows studies?"

i replied:

"so far so good.performed well last sem.been busy with clinical teaching in hospitals.will sit for xm next monday hehe"

and i got snap when i read his reply:

"congratulations!tau la busy. tapi hantar la berita at least sekali sebulan untuk motivasi ank murid cikgu"

so sorry teacher.i was really busy and that is not the main reason actually. i lost ur emel address and i din even have it stucked in my head. and i was so lazy to text and say hello to u huhu~ 

i was just being ignorant.

selfish.

the guilt was so great till i had to apologize...

"im so sorry teacher. will try to update u owez. btw, send my wishes to all teachers there :) "

tanpa dirimu yg bgelar guru, siapa lah aku.

tetapi aku slalu alpa tentang hakikat itu~

to mr saparudin lakanda, who showed me there's opportunity in every problem, who motivated me to take this path, who lend me hands when im in greatest need, who trusted me (rm 1 million u know?)i thank you!

or all teachers in the world, a very Happy teachers Day! 

::when he walks away::

i look at him again...this time i take longer to really understand the meaning of his gaze...

i look at him from up then slowly down to his feet. he is standing quitely.

still.

how do i make u understand that i love u honey? i have done all the things that i could to make u see that i love u with all my heart.

to make u realize i could stay with u till death come to us.

to make u believe that no one else but u to be my partner in this journey of life.

to make u see my dreams as urs and urs as mine~

no one else but u!

u smile at me. no last words. u just simply walk away tru that door.

and that smile...i miss that smile badly. it was last year when i got the chance to see the smile. o god thanks i have got the chance to see it again.

ur smile is so beautiful till it can vanish all the sorrow in my heart. it is so sweet till it can shooh away my burden. it is so sincere. it is day-brightening.

one in a million smile :)

looking u walking away makes my my heart says "stop him!" but i just cant. i am still standing there, stoning...

ur shade fades away in the gloomy night...

"good bye my dear. u know u'll always be my love till the end of time" i whisper... 

few days later

i collapse the moment i heard the breaking news.

"omg. y u shud punish me this way? u shud have taken me instead of him!"

i whine. 

i cry. 

i regret. 

i blame myself for the unexpressed love. i blame myself for the wasted moments that i shud have been spending with him. i blame myself for everything. now i couldnt even turn back time...

god, if u can give him back to me,even my life as a return, i would give my all...

i will.

i cry. over and over again. 

the tears are so warm till i can feel 'em on my cheek. i wipe 'em slowly and try to regain my consciousness. 

purple duvet is still covering me. i am still sleeping on the purple covered pillow. froggie and chimpy are sitting at the edge of the bed looking at me. as usual, with that empty look. well, what do u expect from soft toys? hugging u when u have nightmares? nay!

gosh i was dreaming! but so weird, i had this dream before. and this was the second time when i wake up on bed with tears. 

the saddest thing in that dream is that when u dont have the chance to love the person that u love with all ur heart~ 

although it was just a dream, it hurts deeply...

[the story above is purposely written in present tense hehe]