::money is the root of evil?::

money is the root of evil.

muak? mual? atau sudah basi di suapkan dengan propaganda ini? atau mungkin propaganda ini sedikit pun tidak menarik minat kau kerana memang bercanggah 100% dengan prinsip kau?

aku pernah berpegang bahawa duit bukan segala-galanya. dan aku tidak pernah menjadikan duit sebagai 'ultimate goal' aku dalam hidup ini. pernah. tidak bermaksud sekarang ini aku sudah menjadi mata duitan dan duit adalah segala-galanya bagi aku. tidak. akan aku jelaskan sedikit demi sedikit.

membesar dalam serba kesulitan dan cukup makan saja, aku selalu berfikir: mengapa sesetengah orang dikurniakan duit melimpah ruah sampai tidak tahu bagaimana untuk dibazirkan duit itu? aku pernah menyaksikan ini. setiap hari dia akan mengenakan baju Dior, handbag LV, seluar Guess, minyak wangi D&G yang semerbak satu dewan kuliah sampai pitam orang yang duduk di belakang. benar. lihat pula keesokan harinya. satu set pakaian berjenama lain. percaya atau tidak, baju itu tidak pernah dipakai berulang. boleh bayangkan betapa besar wardrobe dia? namun, bila aku rasional balik, itu adalah ujian Allah padanya, aku pula diuji dengan kesusahan. fair enough?

tapi berbalik kepada topik tadi, benarkah duit adalah raja segala kejahatan? sekarang timbangkan ini:

dalam diri manusia ada seketul daging. jika baik daging ini, maka baiklah. jika buruk daging ini, maka buruklah. daging ini adalah HATI.

secara mudahnya, hati adalah raja yang memerintah seluruh anggota. samada untuk kebaikan atau keburukan, semuanya terpulang kepada sejauh mana hati itu telah diterapkan nilai-nilai mahmudah. bukan saja dalam pengurusan kewangan, malah setiap tindak-tanduk kita. jadi, sekecil-kecil pahala dan sebesar-besar dosa bermula dari H.A.T.I. tapi bukan duit. jika kau terjumpa dalil yang mengatakan duit adalah punca kejahatan, aku ingin sekali turut sama melihat dan mengkajinya :)

maka, adakah wajar untuk melabel bahawa semua orang yang jahat adalah mereka yang mahukan duit?

semua ini bertalu-talu mengetuk kotak fikiran aku usai ceramah 'financial management' tadi. tahniah kepada encik hamzah kammapu kerana beliau adalah orang pertama meyakinkan aku bahawa orang yang mahukan duit bukanlah orang yang jahat. dan duit bukanlah raja segala kejahatan, bukan juga segala-galanya. tapi dengan duit, 'we can buy heaven'

when we talk about 'buying heaven', i don't limit my discussion into hedonism. that is temporary 'heaven' that will fade away as the wind blows it away, leaving you with nothing and nothingness!

the heaven that i am talking about is eternal. on earth and hereafter insyaAllah. but i am not going to talk about how is it possible as i am not an another ustazah :) i'll let your fresh and active neurons to work on it.

the gist of the talk is:

1. know your personal finance and manage it well. planning is important.

2. money doesn't come easily. be PATIENT because patient is beautiful and it worth everything you sacrificed for.

3. ASB is the best investment esp for students like me.

4. don't be fooled by financial consultant who promised you a rate of 25% . know what is it exactly!

5. discipline yourself to invest at least 2/3 of the remaining income every month, another 1/3 for SOS finance. sounds easy huh?

6. land is a very wise investment. and it's cheap.

7. work for the money, then let the money work for you.

8. and ladies out there are strongly advise to marry a rich man! :D

$$,

jamieY

::bercakap::

bercakap. kemahiran unggul. mula terbentuk seumur setahun jagung. bermula dengan kata paling mudah sehingga sekarang, mampu mencipta bahasa sendiri. hebat bukan? bagaimana kemahiran ini terus berkembang dan akhirnya, hingga hari ini menjadi aset terpenting segelintir kita. terutamanya minah kepoh dan joyah rongak. heboh rukun tetangga dengan sensasi berita. kucing jiran sebelah beranak jantan betina pun berada dalam pengetahuannya. hebat.

bercakap. berapa ramai yang mencetak duit daripadanya? kering air liur, namun hasil lumayan. angka dalam akaun mendadak tambah. kereta beranak pinak berjenama seberang laut. sumber pendapatan hanya dengan bercakap. benar atau bohong, belakang cerita. bukankah itu kerja Tuhan di Padang Mahsyar kelak? lagipun yang menjadi mangsa bohong bukan hali keluarga mereka. ahli keluarga mereka sudah tahu mereka ini ular kepala dua.

bercakap. berapa patah kata kita mampu tutur? sehari? setahun? sepanjang kita hidup? memang hebat bukan? tapi berapa peratus pula kata-kata itu bermanfaat? berapa peratus yang menjadi sia-sia? berapa peratus pula yang diselit kesombongan? rasa bongkak? okay, aku terasa makan cili kerinting.

bercakap. berapa banyak jiwa telah aku guris dengan perkataanku? berapa banyak jiwa yang telah aku hampakan? berapa jiwa yang telah aku nista hingga berdarah? berapa jiwa pula yang telah aku gembirakan? sedikit. terlalu sedikit hingga terbilang dengan hanya 5 jari.

bercakap. Nabi pesan jangan cakap jika tiada benda yang baik untuk disampaikan. itu pesan Nabi. tapi hakikat, aku suka sampaikan benda tidak baik. kerana sesungguhnya yang jahat itu tertonjol megah dari kebaikan bukan? aku gagal mentafsir. kadang-kadang. aku gagal menjaga apa yang berada di antara dua gigi ini. kadang-kadang.

kepada sahabat handai yang pernah aku guris perasaannya kerana tisu lembut antara dua gigi ini, maafkan aku. ikhlas.

aku rasa sudah sampai masa untuk aku kurangkan bercakap. kurang pembohongan. kurang kata-kata nista. kurang penat.

yang bermunasabah,

jamieY

::my 24-hour-day went like this::

pagi ini aku bangun awal. seawal ayam-ayam di sabah yang celik untuk berkokok nada nyaring agar bangkit manusia-manusia dari alas tidur untuk menyembah Penciptanya. bercantik-cantik dan menuju ke rumah sakit kerana dijadualkan ada pembelajaran tepi katil (bedside teaching) pada jam 8. kononnya.

jam 9. masih merayau di dalam wad hilang arah tuju.

jam 10. selesai mengintegorasi seorang pesakit berumur 30 tahun, kacak, belum berkahwin dan menghidapi ketumbuhan pada nasopharyx yang telah melebarkan empayar sel-sel jahat ke nodul limpa. kasihan.

masih hilang arah tuju.

jam 11. diberitahu pembelajaran tepi katil akan ditunda. hebat!

jam 11 lebih 30 minit. diberitahu untuk menunggu di luar klinik telinga, hidung dan tekak sehingga tuan tabib datang. hebat. hebat kuasa lima.

jam 12. tuan tabib menyeru kami masuk. berduyun-duyunlah kami menjadi pemerhati senyap. kaku.

jam 12 lebih 15 minit. tuan tabib minta diri. ada kecemasan kerana ada pesakit sedang bertarung dengan zakaratul maut.

hilang arah tuju kuasa lima lagi.

jam 12 lebih 30 minit. diberitahu bahawa tuan tabib akan berada di dalam dewan bedah sehingga jam 3. pembelajaran tepi katil akan di buat jam 3.

kali ini aku tidak hilang hala tuju. terus merembat beg galas dan menerobosi pintu keluar menuju ke kenderaan empat roda. destinasi kami pasti. rumah!

************************************

jam 3 lebih 30 minit. sesi perbincangan bersama tutor. hebat. sebab kami kena menjawab soalan yang anak tekak pasti loya mendengarkannya. hitung sendiri, soalan ini telah di tanya bertubi-tubi dari aku bergelar lepasan SPM sehingga hari ini. tidak salah aku, yang budak tadika pun pasti akan mendapat tanda 'raet' dan lima bintang jika memberi jawapan, pasti sudah lebih 25kali aku diajukan soalan yang sama.

"mengapa kamu mahu menjadi tabib?"

demi tuhan yang maha agung, aku memilih jalan ini kerana aku yakin, ini adalah jalan terbaik untuk aku memberi kepada makhluk serupa aku. manusia. walaupun pemberian aku mungkin bukan yang terbaik.

jika ditanya soalan seumpamanya lagi, aku akan angkat kaki. tidak akan berpaling.

***************************

jam 5 lebih 30 minit. usai jogging. aku sedang berjalan sambil menyedut oksigen dengan rakus buat mencuci darah agar bebas dari asid laktik. seorang lelaki, perut buncit dengan umbilicus terjojol ke bawah, berkaca mata bingkai emas, dengan rambut yang malu-malu untuk berwarna hitam, berbaju coklat jenama 'ayam kampung' tersenyum ke arahku. aku membalas dengan senyum kambing. kambing pun enggan mengaku jika melihat senyuman itu.

encik lelaki yang gatal, jika kamu tidak ada teman mahu menemani kamu berjalan, sila jangan ganggu aku.

encik lelaki yang gatal, sila jangan integorasi hal peribadi aku jika benar pun kamu seorang polis dahulu.

encik lelaki yang gatal, kamu bukan sedarah sedaging yang berbin jalil untuk melayakkan aku memanggil kau abang.

encik lelaki yang gatal, aku tidak perlu dan tidak ingin tahu hal salasilah keluarga kamu atau anak saudara kamu belajar di mana. tidak penting bagi aku.

encik lelaki yang gatal, sila hadkan aktiviti mengacau kamu kepada anak-anak dara orang kerana silap hari bulan, busuk jadinya. ini amaran keras. aku memang tidak cool.

p/s: sila kira berapa kali aku menggunakan 'hilang arah tuju' dan 'hilang hala tuju' di atas? itu pun kalau kamu tidak ada kerja dan sangat berkobar-kobar untuk scroll ke atas semula :D

yang geli-geleman,

jamieY

::'enthusiasm'ku hancur::

end of posting exam is just around the corner. OSCE. ask me how's my preparation going and you'll regret that you ever asked that question. maybe a question that i would like to hear now is " are you free on friday night after the exam? let's have a popcorn session! on me :) "

my posting in seberang jaya did not go well. it was, at least for the last semester. with enthusiastic tutors and helpful patients that rarely rejected us, i counted that as a bountiful bless. but, we were totally screwed this week because we had no surgical bedside teachings from monday to wednesday.

on monday, we were supposed to have a teaching with mr purple-headed and without any concrete reason or notification, he did not show up in the ward. our call diverted into his voicemail (i always love this idea when i want a bug-free life) and the nurses were clueless where exactly he is at that very moment. maaflah mr N, nampaknya jururawat itu terlalu sibuk untuk kisah akan hal kamu. senang cakap, kamu tidak di sayangi.

another story for mr I who refused to teach us because 'we showed no interest during his teaching' as he claimed. contradict as it might sound to us, who wake up long before dawn, driving all the way crossing the penang bridge, be in the ward by 8 am, clerking patients etc etc for the sake of knowledge. and on that very fine morning, he was simply blurted out that statement just because we left the ward for another teaching.

we were in dilemma upon leaving mr I. telan mati mak, luah mati bapak. di sini menanti, yang di sana menunggu. leaving him was not a good decision. but letting go another teaching while the tutor was waiting was also not a wise one. therefore, we were doing something that we thought is the best for that moment. i believe that we tried our best to ask mr I to have a teaching with us but to no avail.

nampaknya, orang berumur lingkungan umur 45 tahun bila merajuk, sangat susah untuk di pujuk. aku percaya gula-gula kapas pun tidak mampu meredakan amarahnya.

for this, i blamed my beloved college for a mixed up schedule.

we left nothing, but a bad impression.

yang tidak interested to mr I,

jamieY

::up, up UP!::

Go, go, go,

It's time to make a move and we both know,

It's time to step it up a notch,

I'm ready to lose touch,

Baby boy,

Go, go, go.

This is the crossing at the main intersection,

Up is where we go from here,

Finest selection,

This could take us anywhere,

I don't want protection,

Life is better of the line, ine, ine...

I'm ready for the lift up,

Keep steady beat,

'Cus I'm ready for the big jump,

Keep up with me,

If you lose me then you know, you're just a bit too slow,

I only go up, up.

I'm ready to be in control and the ground isn't good enough for me,

I know where to find what I want and I'm gonna keep on,

Keep on, up, up

No turns now,

We're going straight,

You better hold on tight,

'Cus if you fall you're on your own,

'Cus I'm gonna go on,

No, no, no turns now.

This is the final call for all destinations,

This is were you're in or out,

No hesitation, this is not the time for doubts,

Make your decision,

Are you on or off the line, ine, ine... ?

I'm ready for the lift up, keep steady beat,

'Cus I'm ready for the big jump, keep up with me,

If you lose me then you know, you're just a bit too slow,

I only go up, up.

I'm ready to be in control and the ground isn't good enough for me,

I know where to find what I want and I'm gonna keep on,

Keep on, up, up

This is the crossing at the main intersection,

Up is where we go from here,

Finest selection,

This could take us anywhere,

I don't want protection,

Life is better of the line, I, I...

(Ooh)

I'm ready for the lift up, keep steady beat,

'Cus I'm ready for the big jump, keep up with me,

If you lose me then you know, you're just a bit too slow,

I only go up, up.

I'm ready to be in control and the ground isn't good enough for me,

I know where to find what I want and I'm gonna keep on,

Keep on, up, up

::beautifully ugly::

ugly confession. ugly truth. ugly disappointment.

but, it's a beautiful blessing from allah.

i need a retail therapy. extravaganza one!

::favourite quotes::

him: abdominal pain that is relieved by farting....

tutor: in medical term, we use flatus.

lecturer: we are takking about penis now, you wanna join?

student: *slam the door and walk away*

either you are dumb, or the writer is dumb!

student: mak cik berak ada keluar hingus tak?

patient: *blur*

student: pak cik pernah ada TB?

patient: ada kat rumah..besar 29 inci

me: why u like to bully me?

her: because you are fat!

girl 1: kacak eh kuning ya

girl 2: ya la tek...kuning santan

girl 1: santan warna kuning?

girl 2: dush2

her: masalah anal-anal (sambil membaca iklan di tepi jalan raya)

us: *blur*

her: o masalah anai-anai. "I" macam "L"

us: ROTFL

::terima kasih::

terima kasih taiping,

terima kasih hari ini,

terima kasih kawan-kawan,

terima kasih.

::GLP::

satu tengah hari yang damai, tingkat satu acc building, berdirinya tiga orang pelajar perubatan mengelilingi seorang doktor yang sedia dikagumi.

Dr Y: what is GLP?

Me: Glucagon-like peptide.

Dr Y: and how does it work?

Me: it's a gut hormone. and it mimics insulin.

Dr Y: so you think it mimics insulin?

Me: tersipu-sipu. (rasa mahu terjun dari tingkat 7 sebab baru sahaja sebut it's glucagon-like peptide. duh! of course the action is reversal of insulin)

amaran keras: dilarang meniru kebodohan ini.sekian terima kasih.

::superiority complex::

Dear Ms S,

I hope this letter found you in pink of health (because, if not, maybe one of us has voodoo-ed you). i am writing you this letter to represent my whole group members to express our dissatisfaction over what you did to us this morning.

we woke up very early this morning, praying to God to bless our journey to school and we walked with eagerness at its peak, to ward A3 in hope that we would learn something from your department today. we were very happy to find that your MO's were doing a ward round and we walked towards them. we stand there, quietly, not to interrupt anything that was going on. but you know how "happy" we were when she jeling us and said this : i don't like this medical students. bla bla. to add salt to the wound, she spoke to her colleagues in Chinese language. but from the way she looked at us, i know she was bitch-mouthing us.

how hurt that could be? it was like our hearts being slashed hundred times. i would understand if she was having PMS or emotional instability. but is it our fault to be present in the ward? is it our fault not to be informed which doctor is taking us for that day? is that our fault no one told us what case should be clerked that day? is is our fault we are still students and still crawling in acquiring knowledge? is it our fault that **C sent us to your ward? is it our fault you are unhappy with us because you are unwilling to teach but were forced to?

we were still holding on, hoping that she would realize that she was a student too before, so she will treat us fairly. but she did not. she continued to ignore us. we were treated like a piece of shit. i am sorry, but that was what i exactly felt on that very moment.

then, you came in. our hope to be treated like a human being faded away when the first sentence that blurted out from your mouth was: how come there are so many medical students here? go to A3. don't disturb us!

OMG! that was like the sky was falling unto us. we are sorry that we are not as the same race as you that you would treat us nicely. yeah, as what you did to the attachment students. i am sorry that **C did not pay you enough money so that you would share your precious knowledge willingly. i am sorry that we were disturbing you because that was our responsibility to attend the ward round every morning.

for the ignorance, heartless attitude you showed us, we thank you. may God bestowed His bless over you and all of us. i know you are one of the best, and maybe, we did not meet your standard. but, we will never be without your guidance.

yours sincerely,

(medical student)