::when he walks away::

i look at him again...this time i take longer to really understand the meaning of his gaze...

i look at him from up then slowly down to his feet. he is standing quitely.

still.

how do i make u understand that i love u honey? i have done all the things that i could to make u see that i love u with all my heart.

to make u realize i could stay with u till death come to us.

to make u believe that no one else but u to be my partner in this journey of life.

to make u see my dreams as urs and urs as mine~

no one else but u!

u smile at me. no last words. u just simply walk away tru that door.

and that smile...i miss that smile badly. it was last year when i got the chance to see the smile. o god thanks i have got the chance to see it again.

ur smile is so beautiful till it can vanish all the sorrow in my heart. it is so sweet till it can shooh away my burden. it is so sincere. it is day-brightening.

one in a million smile :)

looking u walking away makes my my heart says "stop him!" but i just cant. i am still standing there, stoning...

ur shade fades away in the gloomy night...

"good bye my dear. u know u'll always be my love till the end of time" i whisper... 

few days later

i collapse the moment i heard the breaking news.

"omg. y u shud punish me this way? u shud have taken me instead of him!"

i whine. 

i cry. 

i regret. 

i blame myself for the unexpressed love. i blame myself for the wasted moments that i shud have been spending with him. i blame myself for everything. now i couldnt even turn back time...

god, if u can give him back to me,even my life as a return, i would give my all...

i will.

i cry. over and over again. 

the tears are so warm till i can feel 'em on my cheek. i wipe 'em slowly and try to regain my consciousness. 

purple duvet is still covering me. i am still sleeping on the purple covered pillow. froggie and chimpy are sitting at the edge of the bed looking at me. as usual, with that empty look. well, what do u expect from soft toys? hugging u when u have nightmares? nay!

gosh i was dreaming! but so weird, i had this dream before. and this was the second time when i wake up on bed with tears. 

the saddest thing in that dream is that when u dont have the chance to love the person that u love with all ur heart~ 

although it was just a dream, it hurts deeply...

[the story above is purposely written in present tense hehe]