::great-many germany I::

Day 1: 23rd of July 2008

our journey to Berlin started from pontypridd, wales where we took a coach to london heathrow. dragging 3 super sized and weigh-like stone luggage, we were determined to have an overnight in the airport in case my dear friend, N could not get a ticket to go back to msia on the next morning.

stranded in the busy airport of UK, we woke up in the morning with pain all over our bodies' joints and muscles. thx to the hard bench in the so called one of the most bz airport in d world. KLIA is surely far better than that as i wud say :)

while N was bz with the ticket thingy, i "sedekahkan" my 60 pound to a msian fellow who was stranded in the airport because he din have enuf cash to top up the ticket price. so pity kan? he promised me to bank in the money in msia so i had nothing againts it. at least i have a lawyer to defend me if he dare to cheat wif that amount of money, right N?

Day 2: 24th July 2008

spontaneous decision to join us to germany was more than anything i could ask from N. this germany plan took place few weeks back. we were bz spending tym chatting n planning to pick a destination when finally neuschwanstein castle captured our attention and no other places could really beat the charming castle. so we contacted zaim, our friend whoz studying in germany to ask if he will b available to b visited. and luck was on our side when he said he'll b finishing his xm on 24th and we could get there by then. when N said maybe she cudnt join the trip yesterday, i was disappointed but putting myself in her shoes, i just let her to decide what is d best for everyone.

we took national express from london heathrow to london stansted [ LCCT of Europe ] at noon and the journey took us about 3 hours.that is the most convenient way to get from heathrow to stansted after all the surveying that we did. since our flite will only be off at 1845, we lepak in the chapel and slept there. o ya, if u were to pray in this room, pls check the kiblat again as my compass that time showed different direction from what is marked on the paper in the room. 

after we met wada who arrived late in the evening, we checked our luggage in and get into the departure hall immediately. the long wait was not bad at all when our eyes were served with nice view :p. bersih bsinar2 mata. hilang bha mngantuk trus hehe

we arrived at berlin airport at 1030 pm and based on the direction given on the paper and the person at the information desk, we finally found our train to get to our hostel. on our way, N called asrih and the boys who arrived earlier agreed to pick us up at the train station. this way, N taught them how to act as gentlemen. N was so determined to educate 'em. so boys, did u learn something?

we met at burger king restaurant near to the train station. as i walked into the premise, i can clearly see 4 malay faces. scanning one by one, and my eyes were caught by a very familiar face. omg, see him! broad shoulder with long hair touching his collar bone.

i smiled and waved to him and easily he can recognised us. zaim aka ejang is my ex skulmet back to mrsm kinarut in 2002-2003. to be frank, we never talked to each other but today all 4 of us reunited again in the very strange land: berlin.

it has been 5 years we din meet him and so many catching up to do. we hang out together with few of his friends introduced to us with their very own good names: kamal with too much resemblance to my fren safwan, helmi appeared to be a very shy person and wan, a chinese look guy with the calling name of "urg yg buleh d pcy"

we only walked to the hostel after midnight and checked into the hostel room. as we stepped into the room, we were quite shocked to find a guy was sleeping in the room. boleh thn hensem... we grinned to each other...nangis la dia bgn bsok pagi ni muehehe

the other 3 mrsm-ians had a long night that time but i cudnt really think straight so i went to bed. the tour guide, enchek zaim told us to be ready by 7 am in the morning since we have lotsa places to visit tomorrow....

Day 3: 25th July 2008

we woke up very early in the morning and get ourselves ready for the day in berlin! we waited for the boys for an hour or so... tired of waiting, we decided to barge into the boys' room. we expected they were in front of the mirror fixing their hair or something. but what we saw was two bodies still lying on the bed, can hardly come back from the wonderland. ha mnarik duvet sorg tu mnahan malu. yg sorg lg tersenyum mcm la kami ni bini2 dia kejut pagi2. siap bleh lambai2 lagi...sure he was dreaming of becoming a superstar that nite and walking on a red carpet while waving his hand to the camera :p

we started the day after a heavy bfast...the journey that day will be summarised by the following selected photos:

gerbang pemisah jerman barat dan timur [maaf andai salah fakta :p]

part of the berlin wall [kata tour guide slps kami sesat]

blok peringatan jewish yg terkorban semasa zaman pmerintahan hitler

kununnya d bina untuk mlawan KL tower :p

red chapel? aiyak suda lupa huhu

a cathedral with gold dome interiorly, lumut layer exteriorly :p

sunbathing in front of city council

sempadan pemisah kwsn amerika dan jepun (?) zaman perang dahulu kala

perlakuan ini merbahaya untuk di tiru oleh kanak2 tanpa pengawasan ibu bapa

baru ku paham betapa hepinya perasaan urg yg vandalise things haha

namaku terpahat d berlin wall 

jauh d mata, namun PBS clan tetap dekat d hati kami :)

the vandalisers hihi

::cardiff explowalk:

19th July 2008

after a day off due to excessive sleep [ thx to the wet weather and yummy food katum hehe], we were so eager to go out today and have our skin got tanned by the glowing sunlight.

got dressed, put some colour on our faces and we were ready to go. off with 1230 train, the journey to cardiff, the capital city of wales took us about 20 mins and along the way, we can see how greener the countryside is! i guess i have to agree with u N :p

after we got out of the train station, we were walking in a line to the malls [ it was clearance sale!]

we were so excited to see some of the items were tagged with £1 price. so all 4 girls were busy looking for something that might capture their interest. i told myself not to overspend the money but the top was really worth it... in the end, everyone was getting out of the shop with at least a bag hehe.

we continued our outtie with more shopping stuffs, browsing items from one shop to another, finding the best top or accesories to go with our dresses later. na ppuan bha shopping, mana sah nda d round smua kedai hehe. even after all the browsing tru, we cudnt find any nice, elegant, descent coat for N...kita pki bikini ja la N, buleh tu hihi

we passed by cardiff castle and N promised to take me there on hari satu, with one condition: wear dresses as the princesses did in fairy tales. kami kan perasan princesses of nowhere kingdom :p

then, katum: our very tour guide that day took us to the city council, where we had taken stunningly beautiful pictures in the buke garden, just before reaching the council. the city council itself offered no less scenic views until we din have to be skeptical to roll on the grass just to have out pictures taken :p

after having countless shots in the lawn of the council, we headed to millenium stadium, where it was built near a river. cardiff embankment was the last destination before we decided to go home and have bean curd curry with noodles [yummy]. by the time we were walking back to the train station, everyone can feel how the calf muscles have been working so hard and it felt so good to be seated.

the day was tiring tho, but it worth every step! enuf said: it was absolutely fun!

::wales o wales::

i took off from dublin airport at 2 pm after a short delay due to some unavoidable technical problem [ excessively used excuse]. the flite to london gatwick took me about 1 hour. the eagerness to meet my girlfriend n her sis caused a real excitement in me since few days back actually :p

as i set my butt on the flite seat, i felt dizzy and i dozed off few minutes later. i can hardly open my eyes when the captain announced that the flite will be landing shortly. wales welcomed me with cloudy weather outside [ expected!]

i went through immigration procedures after a bit confusion at first but i managed to get myself out of the so called karenah birokrasi thingy. i claimed my luggage and find my way to the train station..

it was 330 pm when i can hear my tummy sang unsynchronied melodies so i grabbed a sandwich [ i have ensured that there was no ciken in the filling after the incident in paris buavis airport], choc bar and a bottle of mineral water.

i can easily find my way to the train station, and i chose to sit in the far corner of the bench, sat there and enjoyed my lunch with people busy hustling in and out of the train. my train to london victoria will only be departed at 1850 as stated on the ticket. my brain was busy doin the calculation and i decided to board the 1700 train if i dun want to miss the train from paddington to cardiff central that will depart at 2015!

i asked the receptionist on which paltform should i depart from, and he was looking at me like i have "kusta" or something. it wasnt my first time time so i kinda get used with it tho.

i reached london victoria after 30 mins journey in the chilly gatwick express train. i got off and find the circle line in the huge central london station. first time being there, i was busy looking my way and asked around to get the right train to paddington when finally a middle aged man in his white uniform showed me the right platform.

" platform number satu"

i stopped and looked back at him and he was smiling.

" u know how to speak malay language?that's great!"

i rushed the stairs down to the paltform 1 and again i was puzzled when there was no paddington written on the display board. Suddenly the man that talked to me just now was behind me. he told me that the circle line service was delayed and i had two options: go via altrnative route that means more chances of getting lost again and secondly: wait for another 20-30 mins. i decided to wait and since he was goin to have his dinner that time, he left me with the station staff which also a bapok :p. we even did some "umpating" thingy about the staff. so evil huh?

when the train finally arrived, i board it and it took me 20 mins to get to paddington station. from there, i took first great western train to cardiff central. my seat was 82A and i tod that it meant i need to be in the carriage A. it was a good walk to get to coach A because it's the tail of the train. i was smiling to myself when i finally realized that i shud be in coach D, not A. no wonder i din find my seat in A carriage.haih jamiey2~

i had a good sleep in the train and when i got up, it was dark outside. malam suda~
i finished the last 3 choc rolls before i dozed off again. i only woke up when i felt that i had been on the train like forever. after 3 train stations, the light of meeting my friend soon came when i heard the announcement that cardiff central will be the next stop. eagerly, i fixed my tudung and get all my stuff ready to get off the train.

follow the rest of the journey on katum's

::selamak hari jadi kawang!::

12th july 2008

it was azmi's bday. so sad everyone is in msia right now so we coudnt have a big celebration. felt sorry for him so i wanted to take asrih as my "accomplice" to make a plan to hold a surprise bday party. turned up he din answer my text nor my ym msgs. bagus ko buang hp mu asrih! hahaha

so there we go. i went to buy a cake a day before. that was after a good walk from james st to grafton st back again to james st. that's typical me. owez find the best thing even to go and back again as long i get the best of the bunch. fussy? yes i am. i wanted to bake a cake at first but it came into my realization that my baking skills still needs to be polished, so i decided to buy one. i'd rather eat a creamy delicious yummy cake than dumping away a stone-like cake that potentially can kill a dog if u were to throw it at the dog :D

without him smelling anything fishy, he was willing to take us out for dinner. but before that, we went to BMR office, 45 mins on foot frm home. and i bullied him to carry the so called "kasut wada. beli ebay" box. that was d last hiding trick after i tried to put the cake in  a plastic bag but it din fit! omg thats tiring to run around the hse to find big plastic bags. luckily i found a big box in the store so i put the cake in and seal it like it never opened before....see, i have improved my bohong skills eh? he din notice i was lying [bohong sunat bha]. on the way to the office he mentioned abt his bday but i was pretending like i heard nothing haha.

so after i finished my work in the office, we took a bus heading to city centre. in the food court, we took a table near a bin [ what a strategic place haih] and enjoyed the seafood. there go our conversation:

azmikenatipubulat2: mamaku kan nda pnh dia tulis bday ku tp dia ingt ni. setiap thn nda pnh miss

jamieysweet: [aku tau bha bday mu ni hari. byk suda hint ko bagi ] oo mmg mamak2 kuat ingatan durg tu...

azmiekenatipubulat2: ya...nda pnh dia lupa kol aku tym bday

jamieysweet: [ do u expect me to ask when is ur bday? lol] hehe

*that was me playing the role of oh-i-dunno-ur-bday-is-today...u have to admit im good isnt it azmi? hahahaha*

not long after that, asrih, another proud bugis guy arrived. as expected, he just woke up. we promised to be there at 430 yet he was making his way at 430. insaplah wahai llaki2 mlayu yg brada d dublin. belajar la maksud punctual hahaha. we wanted to invite ipin as well but he seemed to b bz wif his life :p

so i asked azmi to fetch him up coz i had something to do hihi

as he went out of the food court, i took the cake out, put 2 candles [hez 22] and lit them up.

cepatlah kita mkn...cm sedap jak kek ni. bliur suda aku :p

jamieysweet: tadaaa! happy 22nd birthday!

azmikenatipubulat2: ya allah jamiey...apa ni? hahaha

jamieysweet: kek? hahaha

asrihkakitdur: o gosh!

jamieysweet: o i know im sweet. ko mst mau beli kan aku kek lg bsr kan bday ku nnt? hahahaha

all: hahaha 

asrihkakitdur: aku ingt bday c azmi 12 july ni...aku ingt tu tanggal 12

jamieysweet: hellooooo??!! today is 12th of july 2008

asrihkakitdur: ya ka?? [checking his hp]

omg that is what will happen if u live to eat and sleep and eat again for few months. lost track of time and day and even friends haha

here are few moments that we captured, the 3 proud sabahans kejakunan in dublin:

si penipu [yg anggun] n c kena tipu bulat2 haha

us on a bench near liffey river, before i made up my mind to jump into the river bcoz of obesity :D

thousand miles away from family makes me misses home badly. but having friends that can me feel like home is wonderful. 

::CINTA: dari kacamata seorg chemist::

Estrogen, Testosterone, Phenylethylamine (PEA), Dopamine, Noradrenaline, Endorphins, Oxytocin dan Serotonin hanya sebahagian daripada kisah cinta ini. Interaksi bahan-bahan kimia semulajadi inilah yang menjadikan cinta seperti cinta yang kita kenali.

Lebih spesifik: Dopamine, Norepinephrine, dan Serotonin terhasil pada fasa mengurat dan terpikat. Oxytocin dan Vasopressin pula dikaitkan dengan hubungan jangka masa panjang. Apabila cinta dan kasih sayang sudah menebal.

Bila mata bertentang mata, lidah kelu untuk berkata.

Cinta. Cinta lahir dari mata tapi tidak terus ke hati. Cinta menyimpang ke jantung. Jantung menggetarkan ritma yang luar biasa, diterjemahkan di otak melalui sistem saraf autonomik. Terhasillah PEA (thanks to Klein Liebowitz), Dopamine dan Noradrenaline. Kesemuanya dari salasilah yang sama dengan Amphetamine, juga dikenali sebagai Speed, sejenis dadah berbahaya.

Kesannya? Hampir sama dengan Speed. Jantung rasa berdebar, lutut menggeletar. Air liur meleleh, tak dapat ketagih. Makan tak lalu, tidur tak lena. Hidup jadi serba tak kena.

Hilang selera makan, peningkatan stamina (chatting berjam-jam tak letih punya...), perpeluhan, hyperactive, loya, gatal-gatal kulit (betullah istilah menggatal tu), peningkatan kadar degupan jantung, tekanan darah tinggi, pening.

Kesannya kepada psikologi pula: banyak cakap, peningkatan konsentrasi dan confident, peningkatan respon dan euphoria (tu yg tergelak sorang2 tu...), insomnia, decrease REM sleep (tu yg tidur tak lena).

PEA juga membuatkan seseorang itu yakin, alert dan berani mencuba sesuatu yang baru, sebab tu la kita tengok orang mabuk asmara ni sanggup buat yg pelik-pelik; lari dari rumah, lompat pagar asrama, sanggup buat apa-apa saja untuk yang dikasihi. (konon...)

Tetapi, bila ‘dibuang cinta’, clash, putus cinta… kesannya amat parah. Otak serta merta akan berhenti merembes PEA dan kesannya, sama dengan penagih Speed yang tak dapat stok; tak tentu arah, panik, bengong, boleh jadi gila. Tak mustahil medically.

Cinta. Euphoria, gayat, ketagihan. Di luar kawalan. Di bawah sedar.

Norepinephrine dan Dopamine sering dikaitkan dengan romantik. Mana taknya, ia merupakan desire molecule antara neurotransmitters. Dopamine yang terhasil di kala bercinta berhubungkait dengan penghasilan Oxytocin, sejenis hormon yang diperlukan oleh ibu-ibu yang menyusukan. Oxytocin kadangkala digelar 'cuddle chemical'.

Oxytocin dirembes dgn banyak ketika aktiviti-aktiviti aktif seperti urutan (sebab tu, urut mengurut ni amat berbahaya bagi sesiapa yang tak nak jatuh cinta, hati-hati, cakar harimau amat baik untuk pasangan suami isteri...), aktiviti-aktiviti lasak dan aktif ketika dating juga adalah salah satu cara yang baik utk mengurat; roller coaster ke, berlarian-larian, keliling pokok macam hindustan tu sume. Sume ni Oxytocin punya kerja.

Oxytocin juga mengurangkan perasaan takut dan meningkatkan kepercayaan, tu kualiti penting dalam percintaan. Kajian juga menunjukkan Oxytocin melembapkan beberapa fungsi pembelajaran dan ingatan. Hmm... tapi masih boleh dipertikaikan, sebab ada yang lebih berjaya dalam akademik bila bercinta. Kalau tidak hati-hati, Oxytocin berlebihan akan menimbulkan masalah.

Akibatnya? Bila masing-masing sudah berkehendak, mulut tidak lagi boleh berkata tidak. Tangan mula meraba, mengusap, membelai. I love You, You love I. Maruah pun tergadai.

CINTA vs NAFSU

Kami hanya bercinta. Saya sayangkan sangat si dia, takkan saya nak rosakkan maruah dia. Aaahh!! Ini semua dongengan hikayat seribu satu malam. Kata hukamak: tidaklah sepasang lelaki dan perempuan yang saling berkasih melainkan matlamatnya hanya satu: SEKS. Tak nak percaya kata hukamak? Sebab kita lagi pandai dari mereka? Nah, ambik ilmu sains.

Stimulus berupa kehadiran orang yang disayangi, ke atas pasangan lain jantina yang normal kesihatannya, akan merangsang pusat kawalan seksual dalam otak. Arnab betina hanya akan bertelur (ovulasi) dan menjadi aktif untuk membiak dengan kehadiran seekor arnab jantan yang menarik minatnya. Itu arnab, tapi manusia, taklah sampai begitu. Cuma apabila kita bercinta, libido amat tinggi, hinggakan setiap rangsangan dan hubungan (dengar suara pun jadi, zaman moden ni, baca SMS, message YM pun jadi) menimbulkan Erotik. Tak percaya? Bukak kamus Greek, tengok EROS maksud LOVE. So, takkan takde kaitan? Tak percaya jugak? Blaja Medic, tak percaya? Susah nak cakap dah.

“Saya sayangkan sangat dia, saya peluk dia, tak terangsang pon nafsu saya…” Awas!!! Sila berjumpa dengan Dr Ismail Thambi. Anda mungkin mempunyai masalah. Wanita pun sama, cuma pakar ramai sangat, jumpa la mana-mana pakar sakit puan. Atau jumpa mana-mana pakar Psychiatry, mungkin boleh membantu.

PEA, Dopamine dan Noradrenaline tidak kekal lama. Kesannya hanya antara 12-18 bulan. Cinta kemudian beralih ke tahap lebih mendalam. Otak, yang sudah lali dengan semua ini, menghasilkan Endorphins, sekumpulan bahan kimia semulajadi berstruktur seakan morfin, satu lagi dadah berbahaya. Seperti morfin, Endorphins mempunyai kesan penahan sakit. (lantas, ambillah kapak belahlah dada. No hal punya!) Sebab tu para mujahid di medan perang (perasaan terlalu teruja dan semangat sebagai contoh berjihad, menghasilkan endorphin dengan banyaknya) tidak peduli akan luka dan cedera. Kita pernah dengar kisah Jaafar At Tayyar dalam perang Mu’tah.

Endorphins juga bertindak sebagai penstabil mood yang jauh lebih tinggi kesan ketagihannya berbanding PEA. Endorphins dirembes dengan banyak ketika disentuh (sapa kata pegang-pegang tangan tu biasa??? Amat berbahaya!!), melihat pemandangan menyedapkan seperti senyuman (senyuman membunuh) atau selepas berfikir positif.

Cinta. Siang terbayang, malam termimpi. Gambar ditatap, bantal didakap. Sehari tidak bertemu dirasa sebulan, sebulan bagaikan setahun. Tapi kalau sudah bertahun-tahun asyik melihat, hati mula rasa meluat. Kesan Endorphins mula hilang, purata hanya bertahan 4 bulan hingga 4 tahun. Dulunya rindu bukan main. Sekarang mula mencari yang lain.

Serotonin. Kesan serotonin kepada seorang insan yang sedang bercinta adalah sama seperti kesannya dalam obsessive-compulsive disorder. Sebab itulah mereka ini tidak boleh memikirkan orang lain. Di mataku, di hatiku hanyalah dirimu. Atas fakta ini jugalah, ramai berpendapat pesakit yang mengambil SSRI dan ubat-ubat antidepressant yang lain kurang mampu untuk jatuh cinta. Hmmm kesian.

Lelaki yang lebih bijak dan teliti, mencari masa yang sesuai untuk membuatkan usahanya lebih berkesan semulajadi, secara fisiologi. Kiraan bulan gadis yang ingin dipikat boleh menjadi amat berguna. Persky dan kawan-kawannya dalam kajian mereka mendapati wanita menunjukkan perasaan dan pergantungan kepada cinta dan rasa ingin disayangi lebih kuat pada waktu sekitar pengovulasian. Kajian terkini mendapati LH-RF sejenis hormon yang dirembes untuk merangsang LH seterusnya merangsang pengovulasian, berfungsi seperti dopamine dan serotonin dalam hubungan lelaki dan wanita ini.

Vasopressin. Vasopressin berlebihan menjadikan manusia agresif dan cemburu keterlaluan. Sebaliknya, kekurangan hormon ini menjadikan manusia mata keranjang. Yang satu mahukan dua. Yang dua mahukan tiga. Yang tiga mahukan empat. Yang empat mahu semua.

...and they lived happily ever after. Separately.

tribute to : tengku aisyah yuhanis 

::thank you allah::

one month of restless, frustrating wait, now i can sit back and sip the air of peace slowly, allowing all the taste buds in my tongue flooded by the rich taste of life.

alhamdulillah!

as mere words can only do, still it fails to express my gratitude. 

how i feel lucky and blessed at the same time, cant be put into words. warm lil drops were welling my eyes as i was staring at the my baby apple's screen. 

"this is miracle!" i told myself. 

miracle o' prayers...for all my family esp my mom, who prays for me endlessly, i thank you. ur love, ur support, ur wisdom owez be the reason im still standing firmly on my feet and fighting!

to dear friends, who showed support and guidance whenever i fell astray, i thank you :)

maybe i fail to work as hard as i supposed to, yet still hoping for Him to grant my wish. im greedy and  i knew it haha

for the past few months, there was nothing that i wanted the most other than passing this xm! omg, that was a real torture. the exam itself enuf to make us to jump from the 4th floor of our apartment [ luckily, i can compose myself back, so i am still able to post an entry today hehe ] 

i promised myself to work harder if i passed this one, so can anyone of u slap me hard or gimme a big punch whenever i laze around next semester? 

::tolerance vs ignorance::

looking outside the window, i knew today's plan to have a picnic in bray will be cancelled. it was raining since this afternoon with no sign of the sun will be coming out any minute. so after cooking my so called stir fry, i took my shower then enjoyed my lunch in my very own room. the rain seemed to be so eager to wet the mother earth like they have not met each other for years. tolerating to the weather is the expertise of dubliners :p.

so i decided to go out anyway to buy some stuff before flying off to UK next week. i headed to reads, a bookstore near trinity college. after grabbing the stuff that i think will suit her, i lined up behind a couple at the only counter that opened in the newly opened book section of the store. the cashier took so long with the i-dunno-what stuff. she got out and then showed the couple the shelve before they came back with a stack of books. 

"they must be book worms" i whispered to myself. 

they were still chit chatting while i was still standing there, patiently waiting for them to finish. they were taking forever in my calculation. i keep a distance between the couple after the gf seemed needed more space while discussing and deciding whether to get more books or not with her bf. the couple talked for so long, again delaying the payment process. luckily i was not in  a hurry.

i was still standing there when suddenly an old lady stood beside the man. she was holding two postcards and looked like she was looking for something near the counter. her neck elongated to have a peek to the other side of the counter, ensuring she din miss anything nice. 

when the cashier shouted "next please" the old lady walked forward. leaving me blankly blinked for seconds.

the cashier, who noticed i was standing there since the very beginning n knew it was actually my turn, asked the old lady politely to give a way.

"i was here beside the man. im before her" the old lady said while looking at me.

nothing came out from my mouth, just verbally asked her to go on. i have no children at home to be nursed or grandchildren to be taken care of tho.

suddenly, the girls behind me snapped in.

" i dun think u were. we were here before u" one of them was trying to return the right to the owner haha

it was just two postcards that the old lady was goin to pay. i din think that was goin to take long. moreover, if she were to ask politely to take my turn, i would be more than happy to give her way considering she might have another important business to do or too old to stand for so long.

never i thought that what so i called 'tolerance' will raised an argument like this. 

so the old lady, with her steadfastness made her way to the cashier and i can hear the girls behind me shrugged, unsatisfied with the incident. 

not long after that, a staff opened the next counter and hearing "next here please" the girls behind me told me:

"u can go"

it was kinda like: u go girl, it's ur turn. never let sum1 stole it again from u! lol

life is so funny aite? u can call me estupido or anything like that, but i wud rather do that than attracting pple's attention in public. a small matter like this wont bother me that much until i have to argue with an old lady, which to my consideration, if she is old enuf to think, she can do the right things rightly.

the ignorance in me makes me tolerant :)

::Ta-WoW::

tawau from above

ever been to tawau? (click here for more info) yes that is the place where i first had my ABC class. where i first learned the term "kawan pura2". the place where i was brought up. the place where i played with mud and "pancing ketam batu" [make ketam batu soup later]. the place where i first picked the mimosa pudica L to be cooked  when we play "masak2" and "kawen2" haha.

sumhow i miss that place so much~

 

my home sweet home: where my heart belong to

the air: with salty water smell in the morning and evening since my home is adjacent to a river

the neighbourhood: where everyone knows each other so well and will bkampung at ur place when u r having a kenduri to help with all their well being.

 

the flood: more than twice a year. thnx to d gov who promised to widen the river since 10 years ago haih. until today, we r still hoping...

the buses: where there is no bell in the bus to be pressed when u arrived at ur destination and sumtyms we either knock so hard until it stops or a "makcik" will kindly scream "setop dreba!" see how concern she is? thats y i love urg tawau :)

the market: where u can see otoks [twu] or pilaks [in kk] selling kompek [plastic bags]. i wonder do they really can eat that night with what they earned that day? 

 

the FOOD: this is the place where u can satisfy ur taste buds with a variety of foods regardless of ur preferable cuisine because we have it all... from murtabak jawa [ drooling], bakso, gado2, ABC milo and few other types that i found the sellers bacame so creative to invent that recipe in order to survive the stiff business competition. food paradise we would call it :)

the slang: we have our very own slang and since language evolves, im pretty sure that when i get back next year, i may need a translator to speak with my very own sibs :p. they just love to invent new words that only understandable to themselves. maybe they find it's a cool thing to do :)

this town, small it might be  yet never fails to capture my heart. hundred miles away, yet it so dearly close to heart. simplest way to say it, i miss~

aku rindu bumi tawau~

::latest trend:post survey hihi::

1.Do you like seafood?

~very much! na kan tbayang2 suda udang guring tepung huhu

2.What color is your toothbrush?

~pink

3.Are there any guns in your house?

~ada..brani la ceroboh, ku timbak ko idup2 :p

4.What curse word do you say most often?
~nda bgs tu mcarut tuhan mrh hihi.

5.How many televisions are in your house?
~sebijik

6.Do you have cats?
~i wish i have

7.Is there a window in the room your in?

~ada. klu terjun dr situ bulih patah tibia ni

8.Are you scared of dying?

~nope. it's just that im not ready yet. so many things in life i need and i want to do.but if He were to take me, allow me to do bungee jumping 1st and say my love out loud to my loved ones :)

9.Do you know how to make websites?

~it would be gr8 if u can teach me

10.What are your plans this weekend?

~nothing really. go to work and babating at home

11.What will you be doing after this survey?
~reading da vinci code maybe

12.Are your parents married or divorced?

~happily married 

13.Ever swam in a salt water pool?
~1st of all, i dun know how to swim. secondly, salty water pool doesnt sound cool to me

14.Are you hard to handle?

~i guess so. ask my parents. they have and are enduring every hardship of raising me so they know better :)

15.Do fairy tales come true?

~maybe hihi

16.Are you a good singer?

~i am! coz i can make pple go crazy just by hearing me singing :p 

17.Can you type fast?

~can esp tym excited gossiping d ym hihi

18.Do you like camping?

~very much indeed. i never let go any chance of camping during my school years

19.Did you take a shower yet today?

~it's 0140, 7th of July, so i'll take my shower at 12 noon tmr keh?

20.What is your biggest pet peeve?

~nothing really

21.Name a song you know all the lyrics to?

~negaraku and sabah tanah airku hihi

22.What actress do you think is the prettiest?

~sepa ya? suma santik2 bha

23.How do you feel about Obama?

~obama yg mana 1? i have my very own OBAMA *wink*

24.Does anyone in your family go hunting?

~nope. my dad lg suka duduk rumah klu cuti and ask us to cabut his gray hair. my bro is more into fishing not hunting...

25.How many pets do you have?

~none

26.Favorite drink at Starbucks?

~frappucino 

27.Has someone told you that you should model?

~erk mana ko tau ni? haha

28.Have you had your birthday yet this year?

~coming this nov :) [hint: have my prezzies ready k?]

29.What are you looking forward to within the next month?

~visit N and her sis in cardiff, having girly talks wif her and then travelling together to germany. after that, shez goin to my place wee~ [gonna ronda2 ireland!]

30.Have you ever thought about running away?

~tym identity conflict in my teenage years haha. now i wanna run back home! i wish i can :(

31.What do you think about friends with benefits?

~is this so called casual relationship? then im not into it

32.How old were you when you got your 1st car?

~never own a car.

33.What kind of camera do you use?
~miss sony cybershot t100, a gojes babe

34.On the floor to your left what do you see?

~my bed, printers, study carrel and laundry basket hehe

35.Do you use smiley faces on the computer too much?

~yeah. excessive use :)

36.Do you have any such library card?

~dont u? i can lend u one :p

37.Can you juggle at all?

~nope. my mom is good at it. sadly the gene is not passed down to me...

38.Do you read the ingredients in shampoo or conditioner?

~sumtyms.. i read the ingredients of packed food, drinks and make ups carefully tho [ tu pon still mkn ayam nda sembelih haih]

39.What is the best card game?

~go for broke! because i owez win this game. well, im really good at spending money haha

40.What is the nearest pink item?

~hair brush

41.How many pairs of sunglasses do you have?

~one. N and i will be shopping for another on our very shopping day!

42.Last text message says what?

~"awk kawen dlu sbb awk gatal" haha berani dia ckp aku gatal. ces. i bet u'll get married 1st. believe me!haha

43.What are your talents?

~crapping, sleeping for a very long hour and spending money :D

44.Ever watched a sunset before?

~yeah and i very much love that :)

45.Can you solve a Rubik's Cube?

~yeah depends on my mental condition haha

::never love u more coz never i love u less::

once i was so adamant on both parties loving each other so equally will make a happy me [suka sama suka gitu la..]. even i remember of discussing this with my childhood friends [ topik2 besa ank dara pingitan bila bjumpa hihi ]

of course my stance was based on few arguments as follow:

1. ko suka aku, aku suka kau...kita sama2 suka :p
2. kira aku dgn dia nda btepuk sebelah tgn la kan...an extra to make me happy
3. kalau gaduh at least buleh ckp, sepa suruh ko suka aku jgk? hihi
4. teda pihak akn ckp, penat aku syg ko lebih pdhl ko mcm teda apa2 :D

ok i was crapping...

maybe that stance was really based on a very shallow thought of a very young girl. to believe that happiness can  be built when u love each other equally. lets put it this way:

statement 1: if i love u so deep, i wont break ur heart

statement 2: if u love me equally, u wont break my heart

statement 3: we love each other equally so no one would break each other's heart

so the statement is true or false? i let u to decide...

but never i thought love is immeasurable. neither the mathematician nor the best poet have ever determined the volume of so called LOVE.

so lets just call myself  "BLIND".

stepping back to the real world...whenever people say "i love u" i will automatically say "i love u more!" what do i mean by that? it's an assurance that if that person is loving me, u can take my word: i will do anything to love u so that u feel that u worth the love u have given to me... is that fair enuf ? it's not a measurement of love itself :)

but as i give a deep thought again, now im considering of having a new stance: a guy who loves u so deep will make u happy :D. why? 

1. he will do anything to attract ur attention and make u happy
2. hard for him to find another girl [ although it's possible]
3. we girls will love the guys so deep when we think they deserve it. so better have them to really2 in love wif u 1st
4. do u have any ideas how loyal a girl can be? so if a girl were to give her love to a guy, make sure he deserves the loyalty

until then, enjoy this song :)

in-love-wif-her-bed

xx

::congrates mr beattie!::

LOS ANGELES 4 Julai – Seorang `lelaki' Amerika Syarikat (AS) baru-baru ini melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan di sebuah hospital di Oregon.

Thomas Beattie yang lahir sebagai seorang perempuan memilih untuk menjadi lelaki tetapi mengekalkan organ seks wanitanya.

Dia menarik perhatian dunia pada April lalu selepas membuat pendedahan sedang mengandung dan pernah menjalani pembedahan untuk pembentukan semula dada dan terapi testosteron.

`Lelaki' berumur 34 tahun itu melahirkan bayi perempuan di sebuah hospital di Bend, Oregon pada 29 Jun lalu.

“Perbezaan pada diri saya adalah saya tidak boleh memberikan susu badan kepada bayi saya,” katanya seperti dipetik oleh People Magazine.

Majalah itu melaporkan Beattie melahirkan anaknya secara normal dan bukan melalui pembedahan Caesarean. – AFP

petikan berita dari utusan online. hahaha N, he delivered a baby girl! i bet she will become a stunningly gorgeous lady in 16 years time :)

::desert dawn: because i miss~::

so the insomnia visited me again without me inviting it. after i had a long evening nap [ since there was no motion neither noise that could wake me up] i was awake for the whole night. finishing chapter by chapter o' desert dawn by waris dirie. 

as i read word by word, it took me back to my hometown since there is too much similarities between her stories of her place and mine. the difference is: she is from somalia and im from tawau sabah :). and the worst part is: it made me miss home so bad.

this book is written by one of the top models in the US and named waris, she ran away from her hometown when she was forced to marry an old man. she worked as a cleaner before a manager of a modelling agency found her talent and beauty. she then adapted to western lifestyle but she cannot deny there is a hole in her heart. she was so lonely in the metropolitan and she couldnt bear how much she misses her mom and her hometown. so she left everything in new york and go all d way to africa in her conquest to find her mother.

i like the part where she talked about equality in men and women in terms of speaking out rights. the strength of this book lies in the emphasis on two extreme cultures of western and nomadic life of somalians. 

moral of the story: the beautiful differences should be respected and celebrated since we all are human being, all are equal regardless of ethnicity, colour, language etc. no one is superior than the other :)

::face it wif smile::

kalau kau menderita,

ada yg lebih mderita darimu.

kalau kau mnangis,

ada yg telah kering air matanya.

kalau kau sakit,

ada yg sudah sebati dgnnya.

kalau kau terdampar,

ada yang telah mati kerananya.

kalau kau sepi, 

ada yang telah di ulit seluruhnya.

kalau kau tersenyum,

maka hilang pundak d dada :)

so whatever it is, remember, there are some people who live in bitterness more than u r. and if u r happy, remember to be thankful...